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Friday, October 30, 2015


Halloween is probably one of my favorite times all year. I love it because free candy! And it is the one and only time of year that you can dress up and be whomever and whatever you choose to be and no one will look at your funny while you are doing it. I say the same thing every year but I never dress up. Actually as I sat and thought about it, I haven't dressed up for Halloween in 20 years. You read that right! 20 years was the last time I really got into the holiday. As I have become an adult and mommy, I more enjoy watching my kids have a blast. Here is a picture of them from last year, we also took our neighbor girl with us:
The little unicorn is our neighbor girl (Cheyenne) The tall one in the back is my Katie bug, followed by my son Jonathan and my youngest Jackie. They really love the Halloween. They can be whoever they want and get to go knocking on doors and get free candy, who doesn't love free candy?\

You look at my oldest and you almost think she is to "old" to go trick or treating, right? In this picture she was just 3 months shy of her 13th birthday. I have had a lot of people tell me that they think she is to old to go trick or treating and she shouldn't be. What makes her to old? Is there a qualification list for trick or treating that I don't know about? Where is it? I don't understand why people think she is to old. Right now, if I could get away with it and afford it, I would dress up and go trick or treating too.

This year she is just 3 month's shy of her 14th birthday and she is going trick or treating again this year, and I think it is awesome. She has grown a lot in the last year. So this year I had to get her costume out of the women's area of it, but I am fine with it. She is going as a greek goddess and she will rock it! She will make an awesome greek goddess in my opinion. I also tag teamed with my little sis and between her 3 kids and my younger 2 kids, we have every single color of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The pictures from this year are going to be awesome and I can't wait to take them.

Most people take their kids to the pumpkin patch every year. I have never taken my kids. Why? Because I can't afford $16.75 a person x 5. Plus the price of pumpkins. Maybe it is just me, or maybe I am cheap, but that is EXPENSIVE! So I did this year, the same thing I did last year. We grew our own pumpkins. Sure, we miss out on the fun that pumpkin patches have to offer, but this way is much cheaper for us and I rather enjoy the look on my kids faces as they watch our own pumpkins grow. We didn't get as many pumpkins as we did last year.

But we still managed to have enough for each of the kids to carve a pumpkin. And watching their creativity with the pumpkins was so much fun to enjoy!

 My oldest decided that she didn't want to carve one this year. So this one on the right, is my son's design. And the one right underneath it is my youngest daughter's. We put some glow sticks on the inside of them. As an adult, they are not spooky to me whatsoever. But to my children, these are the scariest pumpkins ever!!! And we are the only house on our entire block that even carved any pumpkins and set them out. That was disappointing to me, but my kids think it is awesome.

The one thing that we seem to never be able to do is visit a Haunted House. Our family is all about all things scary. Just about every movie that we own is a horror flick or series or something in the scary department. My five year old's favorite movie is Child's Play and of course Chucky is her favorite! I get asked all the time, "Do they have nightmares?" No they don't! They have watched horror movies from day one and they have never bothered them.

I think we will always be horror fans. I wish they had Halloween more than once a year! I think the best part for me is watching them get scared walking up to decorated houses and watching scary people pop up and try to make them pee their pants. Does anyone else enjoy that as much as I do, or am I alone?

All things scary and spooky are and will always be apart of our household. What about you? Does your family do all things scary and spooky or do you steer away from them?

Friday, October 23, 2015

The Future

I think it goes without saying that everyone thinks about their future. You are constantly asking yourself questions like "Where will I be in 10 years?" or "Will I still be where I am today?" or "Will my children be everything I see them to be?"

These are just a few questions that I know everyone has asked. I know I have asked them time and time again. The biggest question I always ask myself and EVERY  good parent does is, "Am I doing a good job raising my children?" Every parent on the face of the Earth has asked this question time and time again. Everyone wonders if they are failing as a parent. They wonder where their children will be 5 and even 10 and 20 years down the road. But I am going to let you in on a little secret...

Tomorrow is never promised. Ever. Everything in your life could be going exactly how you want it to and you can have the job and car and man/woman of your dreams and it can all be gone tomorrow. I know that this way of thinking is NO way to live your life. But is it really? Everyone dreams about the future and what tomorrow holds for us, but I have stopped trying to figure my future out. I could be on the right path to get to where I want to be and guess what? LIFE happens. More recently, everything in my life was going fantastic! My children were doing great in school and at home, I had a job and a car and so IN love with the man of my dreams. Everything seemed like it was on the right track for once in my life! And God had other plans in store for me, apparently. My body took a turn for the worst. Just getting out of bed was and is a chore for me. I no longer have a paying job (being a stay at home mommy is a job!) and I also don't have a telephone, or a car. All I have is my children and my man. He works so very hard and puts in a lot of hours at work just to take care of us financially. I know it is hard on him some days. Before him and I got together, it was just him. All he had to worry about was paying his bills and taking care of himself. And almost overnight he went from party of 1 to Party of 5! And he has been supporting us since. I know it hasn't been easy on him to say the least, but it also hasn't been easy on me either. 

With the pain that I endure on a daily basis, just trying to convince myself to shower on the regular has been a very hard task lately. I have problem after problem and it makes it very, very hard for me to think/dream/imagine my future, because I am scared for what I might see. I don't like living this way so I try very hard to be optimistic and see the bigger picture. And there are only a few things I foresee in my future.

Constant, agonizing, pain of which I can't escape from. My health will continue to take a downward spiral and there is nothing I can do about it. What is done is done. So from now until the end of time I just want to learn how to control it. Right now I can say with 100% certainty that it controls me. It controls whether I get up out of bed that day. Whether or not I decide cook dinner, etc. It controls every single aspect of my life and I am tired of living this way. I am tired of living in agonizing pain. I just want to be able to control it. Get a handle on it so I can live a somewhat functional life. Is that to much to ask?

I want my children to pursue their dreams. They already pursue their interests now. But I want them to find passion and purpose and dream BIG with whatever they decide to do in this life. And most of all I want them to be so unconditionally happy! I want them to see how great life is and I want them to grab it by the balls and make life their bitch!

I want the man that I love to see himself as I see him. He has been through a lot over the years and everything that has happened has made it hard for him to open his heart 100% to me, even after a little over 2 years of being together. He knows it, and I know it. I want him to see that he is the only man for me, I have never wanted anyone else but him. And I want him to trust in the bond that we have created with each other. There is no greater force in this world than a strong willed couple. I believe that love, trust and communication are the keys to a successful relationship. Take a leap of Faith and let things happen as they should, when they should. I don't know what our future together as a couple looks like as I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. All I do know is any relationship takes work and sacrifice and both people involved have to be willing to put in the work.

The future seems so far away, yet so close I can taste it. I dream about it all the time. But sometimes I wonder, are they just that, dreams? I guess there is only one way to find out!