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Friday, January 17, 2014

Dreams

Lately, for probably about the last week or so I have been having the most disturbing dreams. And when I say disturbing let me clarify a little bit.

We all know that I'm weird, so all in all the dreams that I do remember are usually disturbing. That's nothing new. But these dreams, just flat out have my anxiety going insane. They bother me so much that I don't even want to go to sleep because I know these dreams will come back, with full force. I wouldn't even call them dreams really, more like nightmares. But I am also a firm believer that our dreams are our subconscious' way of telling us all about ourselves, and how we deal with shit.. Which I think is the most disturbing part.

I'm sitting her typing about it, and I don't even really want to talk about them, they bother me that much. But I need to get that out. All these dreams are affecting my daily life. They are all I think about it. Can't seem to get them out of my mind. And sitting here, I have absolutely nothing to do but spend time in my own head. I can't go anywhere, and even if I did I have nowhere to go and it's to damn cold. So here I sit, thinking about these dreams all day and all night long and it's all driving me crazy.

They are just so vivid, so real. It's just scary. And at first I thought it may be from the combination of meds that I am on. Because for all purposes, I am a walking pharmacy. But I don't think it's the meds. The meds that I am on, I have been on for years. If it were the meds, wouldn't I of have had these "nightmare" before now?

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I have sat here for days thinking "What does it all mean?" "Why am I having these dreams?" and "Just what is going to happen next?"

I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat from them, they are that vivid they wake me up several times in the middle of the night. Maybe it's just everything going on, maybe it is stress. Maybe I am overthinking things and spending to much time in my head, but I really wish I knew how to get rid of these dreams...

My head and mind just need to get their shit together and work it all out before it drives me crazier than I already am...

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