So, it's been awhile since I have blogged. The only reason I haven't is simply because I do not have internet... I know it sounds crazy right? How many people this day and age don't have internet access??? This chick right here! Yea, I am that poor. Can't even afford the whoppin $20 a month to have access to the glorious interwebz. But ya know, shit happens. Life goes on. I have had so much going on in my life that I am not even sure I would have time to blog even if I did have internet!
October 1, 2013 I was in a car accident. A car accident of which was not my fault. I had just dropped my minions off at school and had just turned the corner and WHAM! Just like that. Yep, some 75 year old douche that shouldn't even have a license, had ran a stop sign. I had just barely seen it coming so I didn't have much time to react. I slammed on my brakes but it did no good. It was done. I hadn't been going very fast, yet the impact was one of which I will never forget. The accident had completely totalled out his 2005 Ford Taurus and had just damaged my hood and headlights. I got lucky on that end. I was also wearing my seatbelt, which hadn't helped much. See, my 2000 Chevy Impala was nice and all. But when it came right down to the impact, my seatbelt did NOT lock like it should have. Thus, sending me head on into my visor, yes my visor. My airbag also did NOT deploy like it should have, which later I had learned was the previous mechanic's fault for not hooking it back up (I had bought the car from my (not so) little brother.
Anywho, to make a long story as short as possible. This accident has caused me many problems. Permanent problems from which I don't believe I will come back from. It had given me a pretty bad concussion. So bad in fact, that for a few days there I didn't know who I was, where I was or anything really for that matter. I was lost, dazed and confused. And the worst part.. There was nothing that I could do about it. There is no treatment for a concussion, just time. I was given that old saying of "time heals all wounds."
Becheesus, I am a true walking disaster even to this day. Over a month later and I remember pretty much everything, but still manage to get confused. Mostly on the easy stuff that most "normal" people have no issues with. Like, what day of the week it is. What month it is, where I put my keys, and just WHY oh WHY do I take my clothes off and in whatever room of the house I feel like and forget where I put my bra? With these tata's, a bra is needed. Yet every single day, I can't find them Lol
You know, it's not like I already didn't have enough garbage I didn't need on my plate, but to add an accident and even more problems to the mix? I really am a walking disaster. It's a wonder I sleep at all... Sleeping is so very rare. But who can blame me? I mean do you blame me?
I could say that therapy helps, but in all honesty I haven't gone. Lol I have been so busy with my life, and the kids and my shlew of medical problems that trying to keep up with my appointments has been a struggle. I even bought a book, to write shit down so that I wouldn't forget, and that does me no good. Because 9 times out of 10 I don't even know what day of the week it is. My head was so screwed up there for awhile that I thought I had forgotten my tiny minion's birthday. And that broke my heart. I seriously cried for 2 days because I honestly thought I had forgotten my baby's birthday. Luckily I hadn't. I still had a whole week to go. But that added to sleepless nights.
When I can't sleep at night, I tend to overanalyze any and everything you could possibly dream of. As most women know, we women overanalyze situations and things, that's just how us chicks roll. But me? With all my issues going on, it is 1000 times worse at night when I can't sleep and ALL I have to do is spend time in my head. I mean, I don't have internet. I don't have cable or netflix or anything. Just the same ole' dvd collection I have had for who only knows how long. So I overthink, worry and wonder. I have tried reading, writing, taking hot bath's and showers, cleaning, herbal remedies. You name it, and I have tried it. What else is there to do?
Well I am supposed to go to therapy. Supposedly, therapy will help. Me working on my "issues" will help me worry less at night and stop overthinking and overreacting and blah blah blahhh.. But I have been down this road before and it still didn't help. They wanted to give me sleeping meds, which I GUESS would be okay. Except I sleep to heavy as it is, adding meds to the mix makes it worse. And I don't like the idea of taking something to make me sleep even heavier so I feel like I didn't even sleep at all. I mean, what happens if I take one of these meds and it just so happens to be the night that JoBlow from down the road decides to rob my house? I will be out cold and wouldn't even know it. So you see, meds aren't even an option. So something has got to give, right? Something has got to work, or at least help in the sleep process?
Ohhhh! Porn!? Lol No that wouldn't help me sleep, just give me wet dreams. Yeah I said it, wet dreams! Lol So what happens now? What do I do to help me fall asleep?
Nothing, there is nothing I can do anymore. Do you think I am forgetting anything? Sheesh! I am at the end of my rope and I am thoroughly exhausted. Someone help me sleep! LOL
Any ideas from you oh so wise ones? I am at a loss. HELP!
P.S. Check back later, I have lots more to share and I have figured out how to hook my cell to the computer for internet access! SCORE! Internet...
Deuces, and I'm outtie.....