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Friday, November 22, 2013

Pain and Sickness

So, for the past week or so I have been sick, sicker than a damn dog. I can't keep anything down! Anytime I try to eat, it comes back up. I have a sharp pain in my stomach, so bad in fact that I curl over in such pain. So I finally cave and call my doctor to be seen, because I am SICK of being in pain and even more sick of just being sick. I shouldn't be this sick. It seems after not 1 but 2 back surgeries my body seems to want to catch sickness known to man. Whatever, it is what it is. I am not one to usually complain. I complain, sure! Who doesn't? But I really don't for the most part. I just put on my big girl panties and deal with it, like anything else in this world.

So it's been 3 days since I went and seen my doctor. I have been on 2 different antibiotics and an anti nausea medication for THREE days now. They should have at least been showing some sort of sign that I was getting better, right? WRONG! It's been 3 days and I am no different than I was 3 days ago. Only difference is, I haven't ate in an ENTIRE week. Nothing I eat stays down, and I have TRIED. I am sick of eating crackers and sick of drinking chicken broth (cuz that is the one and only thing that stays down..) and I am just SICK of being sick! How long do I need to be sick before my doctor gives a RATS MOTHERFUCKIN ASS and does something about it, besides shoving PILLS down my throat!!!!??? I mean is that the solution to the doctor's problem? Does she think, "Just shove some pills down her throat, something is bound to work eventually!!?"


Doesn't it seem more logical to actually figure out WHY my stomach is doing what it's doing? Why I can't keep anything down? Instead of just shoving pills down my throat??? For becheesus sake! I would rather be ADMITTED to the hospital to figure out what is wrong then to sit like this day after day and no one give a flying fuck. And I HATE the hospital! What does that tell you? I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

And speaking of pills...Is there anyone reading this that actually LIVES on a daily basis in pain? Physical, nonstop pain? Well I do. I even thought I was doing what was best for my family and had not 1 but 2 back surgeries to try and fix it. To try and better myself as a person and be able to actually function as a person in the real world. Once again, I was wrong.

Having surgeries only made me worse. I wouldn't recommend back surgery to anyone. Even if they tell you that surgery is your "only option" for the love of all that is HOLY don't do it. Go find yourself another doctor and get a second, third and even fourth opinion. Odds are you are better off in therapy and seeing a new doctor every week versus having surgery. It was (to date) the second worse decision I have ever made my entire life.

Now, here it is. Almost ONE year since my first surgery, and guess what? It didn't work. Now I require a visit to the doctor once sometimes twice a month. Physical therapy, a chiropractor, and pain medication just to make it through the day.

Alot of people in this world take their body for granted. They choose to use drugs, and to drink their selves to oblivion and CHOOSE to abuse pain medications and become ADDICTED to these things. I don't choose to take anything. I HAVE to, it is required for me. Here is what a morning in my life consists of:

~Wake up, only to roll over in excruciating pain

~Use every muscle and fiber of my being just to roll over and NOT crack a bone or pull a muscle

~Reach over, turn the light on

~Reach for my purse, because of the medications I am on, they HAVE to stay in my purse so my children can't get to them (they know they aren't allowed in my purse)

~Get up (roughly around 25 minutes later..)

~Go pee, make coffee while I'm in the bathroom so I can take it with me to my bedroom, to then shove pills down my throat.

~Go back to my room, sit on my bed and pull out the suitcase of medications I HAVE to take on a daily basis.

~ Take meds; which consists of (but not limited too) 2 pain pills, 2 muscle relaxers, (up to) 4 antibiotics, 1 anxiety med, 1 acid reducer, and 1 anti nausea medication and last but not least.. 1 antidepressant.. and this is just BREAKFAST!

I have to do this three times a day. And there are some people in this world that think taking medications is all glitter and fucking rainbows!!?? SERIOUSLY!??

I would do ANYTHING to turn back time so I didn't have the surgery. So I wouldn't be a walking fucking pharmacy. I am NOT addicted to any of these medications, in case anyone was wondering. And just for extra peace of mind, every month it is REQUIRED by my doctor's office to do a urinalysis to make the medications I am on are NOT being abused. And SURPRISE! SURPRISE! I'm not. I even had my doctor tell me last week that I need to take them more often, because I don't always take them as prescribed because they make so fuckin irritable that I can't stand to be in my own damn skin most days.

So for those that think its all glitter, rainbows and full of fucking joy because you have HAPPY MEDS.. Wake up people, there is NOTHING fucking happy about being on pills on a daily basis. And if you are, clearly your body doesn't REQUIRE these in order to being able to function as a normal person in the fucked up world we live in.

Wake up and smell the coffee, this is not Candyland we are living in...

That is all, end rant. Carry on folks!


  1. Seems to me all those medications are screwing up your stomach. You probably have a full blown ulcer which they need to deal with. It makes me sad to hear you are suffering so. It sounds like your doctor is about as worthless as tits are on a boar. I agree with you that it has went on long enough and they need to be investigating the cause and working towards getting you better and some relief. Doctors can be a royal pain in the ass because they just hand out more and more pills. I often feel that is often a way to blow you off so they don't have to seriously deal with it. I can not imagine all you have to cope with but I do know you must be one strong woman or your wouldn't be able to live through each day as you do. ♥ HUGS!

    1. I wish I felt strong. Lord only knows I am SO sick of being trapped in my own damn body. My back doctor told me last week that I am a wee old 27 years old but have the back of a 75 year old woman. You know how that makes someone feel? I'll tell you, freakin horrible!


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