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Thursday, November 14, 2013

30 Days Of Thankfulness in 3..2...

So, once again this year I see that there is thankfulness plastered all over Facebook. I mean really? Everyone wants to bitch and complain ALL year long and then all of a sudden once November  gets here, everything you have been bitching about all year you are all of a sudden thankful for? C'mon people! Don't get me wrong, I don't mind reading what everyone is thankful for in their lives, but why oh why are you only thankful for these things in November? You should be thankful all year long for pete's sake. Anywho. Last year I wrote a similar blog to this one, to take a peek at it you can go HERE. But here goes my 30 days of thankfulness all wrapped up into one wee lonely blog. 

Day 1: I am thankful for Janis Joplin. Still to this very day she is one of the best lady singers I know. I would lick her face if I could, cuz ya know. That's just how I roll.

Day 2: I am thankful for good drugs. Because, who wouldn't be? With all my problems it is a wonder I can function on a daily basis. So lets add meds to the mix. Yeah, I'm fuckin awesome.

Day 3: I am thankful for the $5 movie bin at Walmart, need I say more? Movies rule.

Day 4: I am thankful for Unicorns. Who doesn't love something that shit's rainbows? *raises hand* this bitch right here does.

Day 5: I am thankful for ear plugs. Without them, I would hear all that jibber jabber that came out my minion's mouths 24/7/365.

Day 6: I am thankful for Runza. If you don't live in the Midwest, you have no clue what I'm talking about. So go HERE to see. The best food ever invented.

Day 7: I am thankful for Monster's.  Legal.. crack in a can, nuff' said.

Day 8: I am thankful for pretty smelly wax candles (scentsy), because I just can't get enough of cupcakes lately. So now my entire house smells like cupcakes! SCORE!

Day 9: I am thankful for neon duct tape, makes taping the minion's mouth's shut much more fun!!!

Day 10: I am thankful for Fucker Bunny. If you don't know who that is, stay tuned.

Day 11: I am thankful for orgasms. My god, does it make a difference in your daily life! I mean, really! Having sex everyday, works wonders on your self esteem and your ego. Like I need an ego boost? hahaha

Day 12: I am thankful for my crazy fuckin friends. They are more like family then most of my own family is to me. I love you crazy fuckers, you know who you are. 

Day 13: I am thankful for my Babymama! My babymama is crazy, and I love her! See you this weekend for our son's birthday! ;-)

Day 14: Starbucks Vanilla Frappacino. OMG! Orgasm in a glass. So damn good.

Day 15: Since ya'll don't know. Around these parts they do what's called the "90's at Noon" and one of my FAVORITE songs came on today. It was "Freak Me" by Silk.. I went to pick my sister up and stood in her front yard singing and dancing and apparently screaming "FREAK ME BABY, AHHH YEAH!" while dancing with your niece is just not acceptable. The neighbors looked at me weird. So I am thankful for judgemental douchebags! If you don't like it, don't look! Lol

Day 16: I am thankful for Xanax. Wait, what?

Day 17: I am thankful for Kid Rock. Cuz really, You ain't never met a motha fucka like me! :P

Day 18: I am thankful for Facebook. *GASP* I said it! Yeah I said it. Without Facebook, I wouldn't talk to half of the people I do know in real life. Thanks for being here for my anti-social ass.

Day 19: I am thankful for my blog. Seriously, where else would I have to put all my crazy thoughts in one place? Oh wait, Facebook. So shit. I guess I'm not thankful for shit on this day.

Day 20: I am thankful that God gave me the ability to cook, and awesomely I might add. Please see; Day:11

Day 21: I am thankful for liquor. Because the saying is true, liquor! She'll love it..

Day 22: I am thankful for camara phones. It catches my crazy moments on "film" See Below: and P.S.~ Yes, that is me.



Day 23: I am thankful for my electric toothbrush. I can't pee and brush my teeth at the same time. My vajayjay hears the noise and thinks it's time to report for duty.

Day 24: I am thankful for therapy. I thought I was bipolar, turns out that I am just an asshole who is happy about it.

Day 25: I am thankful for Walmart. See, they don't have a vibrator section. But walking up to them and asking them where there vibrator section is. PRICELESS! That look you will never forget, I promise!

Day 26: I am thankful for caffeine. Let's say a prayer:

"Caffeine is my sheppard; I shall not doze.
It maketh me wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of conciousness for it's name sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no equal:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the house of Frappacino's forever.

Amen.

Day 27: I am thankful for me! On the 27th day of November I was born. Just admit it! Life wouldn't be the same without my crazy white ass.

Day 28: I am thankful to be crazy. You can't cure it, you know. But every now and then you can beat it with a stick! True story..

Day 29: I am thankful for the internet. I have now convinced myself that I have swine flu. Either that or my body is rejecting the 25lbs of junk food I have eaten in the last 2 days, not sure which.

and last but not least!

Day 30: I am thankful for my Kindle for Android. Seriously. I have read some awesome books lately. Books of which just make me a little more dysfunctional. But, it is nice to know that their are other mother's (WOMEN) out there that are just as fucked up in the head as I am. Awesomeness.


I know, some of these I may have been thankful for last year. But Im thankful for Janis Joplin every year. Too bad she couldn't rise from the dead and have a comeback. That would be some awesome shit! Anyways, I should move onto my other blogs I have planned to let loose today. I am a writing fool today. Full of inspiration and pretty glitter and rainbows!

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