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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Surgery and Mommyhood - My Violent Shove into Young Adulthood

It seems I have been given a violent shove into young adulthood. Now for anyone reading this that doesn't already know, I am only the ripe ole' age of 27, almost 28. So it wasn't very long ago that I was a teenager myself. I remember all to well what it was like when I was teenager. Boys and drama and best friends and other things I will mention another time Lol. But I remember.

Now here I have my 11yr old daughter whom will be 12 in January. It seems from overnight she went from my baby girl to a young girl with boobies the size of 34B. Yes you read that write. My 'little' girl isn't so little. She went from being little to wearing a size 0 in Women's jeans, A woman's size small in t-shirt and wears a size 7 shoe. She also stands at 5'5 already. For all intense purposes I gave birth to the jolly green giant, female style.

Along with the overnight growing I have also being given the overnight attitude. She went from being cute and innocent. To this snotty, obnoxious little brat that I don't even know anymore. And I totally understand what she is going through, I too was that age not so long ago. But I was never like she is. My mother was right when she told me that my mini-me would be 10 times worse then I ever was. And most days I can't handle it. I just want to smack her as soon as she opens her eyeballs because I just can't take her mouth. It doesn't seem to matter what I do either. I can ground her, take things away, pop her a good one in her mouth, try talking to her. I even did so much as bought her a journal thinking that maybe if she was putting all of her thoughts on paper she wouldn't have the attitude so much. But nothing has worked and I am at my wits end with her. And I only know that it is going to get 1,000 times worse before it gets any better.

She came home from school yesterday, and stated that the boys in her room were making fun of her because of her hairy legs, because she is Chewbacca. She is the hairest girl I have ever seen in my life Lol And up until yesterday I hadn't even considered letting her shave. But now I am wondering, she is getting made fun of at school, do I accept the fact that my little girl is no longer little and becoming a young woman, or do I continue to instill in her what I always have.. That no one else's opinion matters, but HERS. Thoughts?

Now I know part of it is from the move. We moved not less then 2 months ago and as soon as we did, it get worse, overnight. And I understand that it is an adjustment for us all (you really have no idea..) but I dont know what to do. And frankly, just my oldest alone is exhausting. And keep in mind that I am a single mother. I raise all 3 of these kids on my own. And by all means they are great kids. They excel in school, tutor younger kids, are very smart and well rounded. But when they are at home it is a completely different story.

I believe they do what they do, partially because they know I can't do things like chase after them, or whoop some butt if need be. Not since I've had not 1 but 2 back surgeries. And I am aware that it has been just as hard on them as it has me. But something has got to give. And part of it is*my* fault. And here is what I mean..

Their entire lives I have done everything for them. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, done my best to make sure they have not just what they need but what they want as well. And when I had back surgery I was stuck in bed for almost 2 months. I wasn't able to even roll over, let alone get up and do the things I normally do on a day to day basis. So I have had them doing chores etc. since January and they don't like it. And I understand that it is going to take some time to get things on a routine/schedule but I could talk until I turn purple and it seems I still do the day-to-day things that I used too, only with more pain. But so I don't draw it out, my children are plain lazy. I hate to say it, because they are my kids (nah, I really don't.) but they are lazy. They could eat a bowl of cereal and will get it all over the place and leave it. And leave the bowl and spoon behind for me to clean up too.

This should not be happening. They are 11 and 6 years old, they both know and are fully capable of putting their dishes in the sink, but they don't. Because they know I will do it for them. Why? Because I have OCD and I just can't wait to do it. And I know that my OCD has taken it's toll on them too, because they have stated on more than one occasion that they don't like it. Because on a daily basis, I will spend roughly 5-7hrs a day cleaning, because I need to.

But I get frustrated and overwhelmed with it and I wish I could make my children see and appreciate the things that I do for them. But the way I've felt lately, I don't think they ever will. Now I am left with the question of what do I need to do, to get the molasses out of their asses!? I'm at a loss. So if anyone has any suggestions or thoughts I am open to everything at this point because nothing I have done has made a difference.

Having surgeries has changed all of our lives, and I know eventually that it will get better. But when? How long is it going to take before things start to get easier?

I am exhausted, and I dont know what to do about anything anymore. It's like I have lost my way and I am not sure which fork in the road I need to take to get where I want to be?

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