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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Update!!

I can't believe that it's been almost 6 months since I was able to blog last. Doesn't seem like it was that long ago, yet at the same time it does. There has been so much that has happened in the last 6 months that I dont even know where to begin with it all.

First off, I had my first surgery on December 26th. Yeah, it was right after Christmas. I was in the hospital for exactly 5 days only to go home and be in even more pain. Having my Lumbar Fusion has been the most painful thing I have gone through, that's including the pain of 2 natural child births. It was horrible, but I knew I was going to survive it was just a matter of healing. Well shortly after the new year, my kids had been messing with the Christmas tree and I went hobbling through the hallway and tripped over the Christmas tree lights. Tripping over those lights really did a number on my back. So I had to have surgery again to fix what I had messed up. So by the end of January I had gone through 2 major surgeries and I was struggling. It hurt just to roll over, let alone try and be a functioning person, mother. But I did survive through it and I am still in the healing process from the surgeries. However, due to the surgeries I did have and the numerous times I fell (yeah, Im a clutz) I have caused permanent damage to my sciatic nerve. It's permanent and doing any further surgery at this point would just make it worse and not better.

So today as a matter of fact I am headed out to see a former doctor of mine to have an SI injection and an epidural injected directly into my spine. Yeah I am so not looking forward to it, because it is  VERY painful and will leave me off of my feet for a few days if not longer. I am dreading it in fact. But there is nothing else that can be done for me otherwise so I gotta take what I can get at this point and just continue to move on with my life as best as I can.

Having surgery has made me look at life a completely different way and I am seeing and doing things differently in my life. So in a few aspects of my life I am a little more positive about things, a few. But I still have my bad days too.

Matter of fact, most days I feel like giving up. I just feel like I can't fight my body anymore, especially if I am not even going to win in the long run.. But all the while I feel like giving up, and just when I think I can't go on anymore, somewhere I find the strength to move forward. My kids are my biggest motivation to be better. I am their mother and I am all they have. Regardless of whether or not I want to give up I am all they have so I have to make it one way or another. You know?

Even amongst my many surgeries and countless doctor visits and "procedures" I have made sure I am doing everything I can to make sure I stay active with my kids at school and otherwise. And it's been exhausting.

I have ALWAYS known that being a single mother is exhausting yet rewarding in every aspect of the sense. But since having surgery and being down for the count as I say, it has felt way more difficult and way more exhausting. And my kids don't understand it. They know that mommy had her back fixed and it still needs to be fixed, but they don't really grasp the fact that mommy cant do the same things she did before. And they shouldn't because they are kids. So I am still doing my very best to make sure I keep up with all their school activities and birthday parties and taking them outside and taking them to do outdoorsy things, cuz that's my job as mommy and dadd.

Anywho, as far as surgeries and my back issues and health issues I am not completely healed nor will I ever be, but I am making the best of the situation I am in and not rolling over and playing dead..

...Stay tuned for more updates :)

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