When do you reach your breaking point? When do you reach that point to where you have just had enough of everything and your bullshit tolerance for people and things are just out the window?
Look, for anyone that didn't read my last two blogs, go read them. HERE and HERE. They aren't terribly long and it will make this blog make much more sense.
Life has thrown some serious shit at me the last few months. So bad that most days it is exhausting trying to be a functioning adult. Especially when I have had quite a few days (weeks) when I haven't even wanted to get out of bed. Between the surgeries and my own created mess, I just dont know where I get the strength from. But isn't that when you find out your true strength? When at the end of the day you are so exhausted and drained emotionally and physically and you wake up and start all over again not knowing how or why?
Most nights I cry myself to sleep, and until this moment right now, no one has even known it. But that is just how I roll I guess. True strength is when you can cry yourself to sleep at night, and get up the next morning and start all over again like you didn't spend the night before crying your eyes out.
There are a lot of things in my life that I can't control, actually quite a few aspects of my life I have no control over at the moment and I can honestly say without a doubt it is all spiraling down hill and getting worse. But through the midst of it all here are some things I have recently learned.
*I know who my true friends are, the real ones that will always be there for me no matter what the situation is.
*I love to much, I care to much and I let way to many people take advantage of and walk all over me. Which I am in the process of changing, one asshat at a time.
*When push comes to shove, if I really need HELP there are less then 3 people I can count on that I know will be there for me regardless of what the situation maybe.
*If it weren't for my Facebook and "internet" friends, there are most days I dont know what I would do without some of them. They can make me laugh, cry and feel proud to call them friends all within 5 minutes. Yeah, if you think I am talking about you I probably am. Smile sunshine, you are fuckin awesome.
*I honestly believe that some men were conceived through anal sex. There is no way that much of an asshole is just natural. I maybe a bitch, but seriously? I am surrounded with by to many men that are on their manopause constantly. WTF? Life is not a dick, don't take it so hard!
*Silence will get you NOWHERE in my life. The more I have remained silent to certain things (yeah, you hard me. silent) the worse things get. So I have been speaking my mind and speaking it well to whatever asshole of the day it maybe. I am not broken, just bent. But just because I am sick, broke, single and vulnerable right now gives you not ONE right in this world to be a dick or to take advantage of me for anything. I was not born yesterday. So straighten up and fly right assholes because I am not taking ANYONE'S shit anymore, I dont give a shit who or what you are to me.
If you can't respect me or my children, take a flying fucking leap..
Enough is just enough, and I have reached my breaking point, and there is no turning back...
...You have been warned