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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Sex! Dirty, Dirty Sex! How I See It... **ADULT CONTENT**

Yeah, you read that right. Dirty, dirty sex. Have you ever had sex with that one person, just thinking about it turns you on in ways you didn't even know was possible? Yeah, that's the kind of sex I'm having.

Yeah, I am a freak no doubt. I have always let my freak flag fly high because I am proud of who I am outside and inside the bedroom. And the sex I have been having is just utterly mindblowing. And I was a freak before I was with this man, but DAMN. He just brings out my inner freak and it is just amazing to me. I am doing things that I never even thought I would do, and I just can't even put it into words it is so amazing LOL

There is that moment, when you look into each other's eyes and the passion is racing. The dirty thoughts and the images that pop into your head that just take your breath away and drive you so wild, you just want to pounce like a cougar. RAWR!

When you are looking into each other's eyes and the passion takes over. As I walk over to him, my emotions and hormones just flood me, overwhelming me. Leaving me paralyzed from the thought of his sexy, tanned, naked body against mine. I look into his eyes, and my passion just overrides.

As I gaze into his eyes, I walk towards him. I let out a deep breath and bite my lip just a little, because I know it drives him wild. Standing in front of him, with each hand on each side of his face, I grab his hair and pull it a little bit. I kiss him, and I am so horny for him, and he knows it. Just thinking about all the naughty things we will do, makes me wet.

As I kiss him, he grabs my hips. Pulling me closer and closer. Grabbing my ass cheeks and slamming me against the wall. Our hands are all over each other. As he is slowly, yet passionately caresses my body I move my lips from his mouth, to his cheek, to his neck, licking and biting just a little bit as I don't want to hurt him. Biting his nipple, making my way down to his abs. I stop, to look into his eyes just to make sure it is pleasure, not pain that he is feeling. My hands making there way down to his belt, slowly yet gracefully undoing it. As I am undoing his belt, he drops to his knees, yanking my hair to draw my head back. Kissing my neck, sucking and biting just a little bit. Then softly says, "I don't want to hurt you, you've been through enough" and I respond, "You could never hurt me baby."

Making the intensity of the situation that much better, passion is overwhelming us both at this point. He picks me up, carrying me to the bedroom. Throwing the blankets to the side, as not to get in the way. Lays on top of me and lightly kisses my cheek. Making his way to my ear, licking and biting it because he knows it drives me insane. He starts to suck my neck, harder and harder and he does it intentionally because he knows my neck is that *one* spot that will drive me over the edge. Makes his way to my breasts, nipples hard and erect. Starts licking all around my ariola. As he is sucking on my breasts he slides one hand all the way down my body and slowly slips one finger in, not to thrust to hard. I moan in excitement, as it is driving me so wild, I tremble just a little bit. He sees the excitement in my eyes and slowly slips in another finger. Thrusting harder and harder. He pulls my hair, harder and harder as his cock is so hard he almost can't take it any longer. But the gentleman he is, knows a woman always goes first, and he slows down just a little bit so he doesn't ruin the mood.

He starts kissing and licking his way down to my clitoris, moving oh so slowly and passionately to make sure it drives me wild. My legs are spread, my back is arched, my ass is in the air. I am fucking his face so hard he doesn't know what hit him. He is so delicate, and so gentle I am completely and utterly relaxed. He looks me in the eyes to see my antcipation of what is about to happen. I am screaming, moaning and I am ready to climax. He takes his hands, grabs me by the thighs so hard I have bruises and starts sucking on my clitoris like his is a sewing machine. Until right then and there, I am face fucking him so hard, the neighbors know my name. And I am screaming with anticipation and tell him, "Fuck me baby, oh yeah!"

I grab him by his arms and flip him on his back. Gracefully climbing on top of him. Riding that nice thick, long hard cock like there is no tomorrow. Slowly but surely getting faster and faster. He closes his eyes, leans his head back and grabs my ass so hard. He is just about to climax when he stops me and tells me to get on my hands and knees. Flips me over, rams his cock inside me so hard I hit my head on the wall. He grabs my hair with one hand and yanks my head backwards, while with his other hand he is slapping my ass so hard he leaves red marks. I love it. The way he pulls my hair, slaps my ass and screams my name turns me on even more. I am screaming, and moaning, "harder baby, harder!" I am so wet at this point the bed is soaked. He does my body good.

He can't take the anticipation and creams inside me. 

We are both satisfied completely. We lay next to each other cuddling naked, smoking a cigarette as he starts to cuddle me. I grab his face and kiss him... Only for us to start Round #2

**P.S. ~This is true

***P.P.S.~ This is the very first time I have written anything like this, feedback is appreciated.

Enough Is Enough

When do you reach your breaking point? When do you reach that point to where you have just had enough of everything and your bullshit tolerance for people and things are just out the window?

Look, for anyone that didn't read my last two blogs, go read them. HERE and HERE. They aren't terribly long and it will make this blog make much more sense.

Life has thrown some serious shit at me the last few months. So bad that most days it is exhausting trying to be a functioning adult. Especially when I have had quite a few days (weeks) when I haven't even wanted to get out of bed. Between the surgeries and my own created mess, I just dont know where I get the strength from. But isn't that when you find out your true strength? When at the end of the day you are so exhausted and drained emotionally and physically and you wake up and start all over again not knowing how or why?

Most nights I cry myself to sleep, and until this moment right now, no one has even known it. But that is just how I roll I guess. True strength is when you can cry yourself to sleep at night, and get up the next morning and start all over again like you didn't spend the night before crying your eyes out.

There are a lot of things in my life that I can't control, actually quite a few aspects of my life I have no control over at the moment and I can honestly say without a doubt it is all spiraling down hill and getting worse. But through the midst of it all here are some things I have recently learned.

*I know who my true friends are, the real ones that will always be there for me no matter what the situation is.

*I love to much, I care to much and I let way to many people take advantage of and walk all over me. Which I am in the process of changing, one asshat at a time.

*When push comes to shove, if I really need HELP there are less then 3 people I can count on that  I know will be there for me regardless of what the situation maybe.

*If it weren't for my Facebook and "internet" friends, there are most days I dont know what I would do without some of them. They can make me laugh, cry and feel proud to call them friends all within 5 minutes. Yeah, if you think I am talking about you I probably am. Smile sunshine, you are fuckin awesome.

*I honestly believe that some men were conceived through anal sex. There is no way that much of an asshole is just natural. I maybe a bitch, but seriously? I am surrounded with by to many men that are on their manopause constantly. WTF? Life is not a dick, don't take it so hard!

*Silence will get you NOWHERE in my life. The more I have remained silent to certain things (yeah, you hard me. silent) the worse things get. So I have been speaking my mind and speaking it well to whatever asshole of the day it maybe. I am not broken, just bent. But just because I am sick, broke, single and vulnerable right now gives you not ONE right in this world to be a dick or to take advantage of me for anything. I was not born yesterday. So straighten up and fly right assholes because I am not taking ANYONE'S shit anymore, I dont give a shit who or what you are to me.

If you can't respect me or my children, take a flying fucking leap..

Enough is just enough, and I have reached my breaking point, and there is no turning back...

...You have been warned

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Update Pt. 2

So in Part 1 we explored the health side of me, well my back anyways. As far as the rest of my crazy that is still to be determined. It's all up in the air yet and I am still a work in progress. A better me is in the making so to speak. I am currently supposed to be in to see a therapist but with everything else I have had going on, plus being a mommy I just haven't had the time yet. Between the depression and severe anxiety and my OCD has gotten a little worse I really NEED to for my own sake, but I just haven't made myself MAKE the time if that makes sense. But I am a work in progress.

First I came to the realization that before I could love anyone else fully (besides my kids of course) I had to learn to love myself just the way I am. And that is still a battle that I fight everyday, but I have come to love myself through all the crazy and all. And if other people can't seem to accept me for who I am, then they just don't need to be apart of my life anymore plain and simple. It has been a slow process, but I am slowly separating myself from all the bullshit and drama that I am surrounded by. It hasn't been easy but it is getting better day by day because I just simply won't put up with it. As far as loving anyone else. The only person I am 100% committed to right now is my children and myself that is it. I am perfectly content with being single and taking care of the things I need to take care of in my life. It really has been hard, but I am making it. I am however "dating" because why not? What is wrong with a man courting me for a change? Nothing. I need some pampering dammit! LOL

My kids are all happy and healthy. School is almost out and I am very proud to say that my children will be tutoring other kids this summer as well and they made that choice without me. It is a proud mommy moment. I am very proud of my kids and they will both be graduating with honors at the end of this month. My kids have been through an awful lot the last few years but they are still striving for excellence and I am very proud of them and proud of myself for raising the awesome kids that I do have. My baby Jack is potty trained. She is doing well with it and she is getting so big, and she is SO smart! I can't believe how excellent my mini me is doing. She is very excited about going camping this summer. We had a blast going camping last summer and she is already asking about it this year.

My kids are happy and healthy and I am a work in progress.. Hopefully it won't be to much longer before I have internet again so I can spend everyday blogging again, because I sure miss it. I miss being able to throw everything out there whenever I feel the need too. But I guess I do that on Facebook anyways, so I'm still undecided about it all.

There are my updates for now, well the short versions at least. I do have lots more to say, but I'll be back for all that.

Did ya miss me!?


I can't believe that it's been almost 6 months since I was able to blog last. Doesn't seem like it was that long ago, yet at the same time it does. There has been so much that has happened in the last 6 months that I dont even know where to begin with it all.

First off, I had my first surgery on December 26th. Yeah, it was right after Christmas. I was in the hospital for exactly 5 days only to go home and be in even more pain. Having my Lumbar Fusion has been the most painful thing I have gone through, that's including the pain of 2 natural child births. It was horrible, but I knew I was going to survive it was just a matter of healing. Well shortly after the new year, my kids had been messing with the Christmas tree and I went hobbling through the hallway and tripped over the Christmas tree lights. Tripping over those lights really did a number on my back. So I had to have surgery again to fix what I had messed up. So by the end of January I had gone through 2 major surgeries and I was struggling. It hurt just to roll over, let alone try and be a functioning person, mother. But I did survive through it and I am still in the healing process from the surgeries. However, due to the surgeries I did have and the numerous times I fell (yeah, Im a clutz) I have caused permanent damage to my sciatic nerve. It's permanent and doing any further surgery at this point would just make it worse and not better.

So today as a matter of fact I am headed out to see a former doctor of mine to have an SI injection and an epidural injected directly into my spine. Yeah I am so not looking forward to it, because it is  VERY painful and will leave me off of my feet for a few days if not longer. I am dreading it in fact. But there is nothing else that can be done for me otherwise so I gotta take what I can get at this point and just continue to move on with my life as best as I can.

Having surgery has made me look at life a completely different way and I am seeing and doing things differently in my life. So in a few aspects of my life I am a little more positive about things, a few. But I still have my bad days too.

Matter of fact, most days I feel like giving up. I just feel like I can't fight my body anymore, especially if I am not even going to win in the long run.. But all the while I feel like giving up, and just when I think I can't go on anymore, somewhere I find the strength to move forward. My kids are my biggest motivation to be better. I am their mother and I am all they have. Regardless of whether or not I want to give up I am all they have so I have to make it one way or another. You know?

Even amongst my many surgeries and countless doctor visits and "procedures" I have made sure I am doing everything I can to make sure I stay active with my kids at school and otherwise. And it's been exhausting.

I have ALWAYS known that being a single mother is exhausting yet rewarding in every aspect of the sense. But since having surgery and being down for the count as I say, it has felt way more difficult and way more exhausting. And my kids don't understand it. They know that mommy had her back fixed and it still needs to be fixed, but they don't really grasp the fact that mommy cant do the same things she did before. And they shouldn't because they are kids. So I am still doing my very best to make sure I keep up with all their school activities and birthday parties and taking them outside and taking them to do outdoorsy things, cuz that's my job as mommy and dadd.

Anywho, as far as surgeries and my back issues and health issues I am not completely healed nor will I ever be, but I am making the best of the situation I am in and not rolling over and playing dead..

...Stay tuned for more updates :)