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Sunday, November 11, 2012

30 Days Of Thankfulness in 3..2..1..

So I see that there is just thankfulness plastered all over Facebook. And it seriously made me wonder. Am I really so screwed up that I don't want to post 30 days of shit, or are the friends that I do have just to fuckin happy? I couldn't figure out which, little of both maybe? Either way seeing all the gratitude and thankfulness makes me wants to vomit. Not that I am not thankful for things, but 200+ people posting the same thing everyday? It's almost as bad as reading all the political rants all over the place, but that's a different blog. So after stalking a fellow blogger cuz yeah, I am really bad about stalking and never commenting. Not because I don't want to, but just cuz after spending hours of reading, I am just too damn lazy. So I thought I would write my 30 days of thankfulness all in one freakin blog and get it over with. So I can stop hearing "What, you don't have anything to be thankful about!?" When in reality that list is really slim, but I am thankful for things, I just won't be plastering it on facebook everyday all damn month. So here it goes.

1) I am thankful for duct tape, without it. My kids just wouldn't stick to the walls as well as I want them to.

2) I am thankful for Xanax, and well.. Do I really need to say more?

3) I am thankful for coffee. I sleep on average 3-4 hours a night. And Crack is illegal..

4) I am thankful for my therapist. Without her I would still be out physically harming idiots. She is my only god send right now.

5) I am thankful for Dora. It's the one hour out of the entire day that my not-wanting-to-nap 2 year old sits down and doesn't tear my house to shreds. I really do love Dora.

6) I am thankful for Xanax

7) I am thankful for wine, cuz well.. it's wine.

8) I am thankful for Words with Friends. Because seriously, I wouldn't talk to some people without it.

9) I am thankful for Stove Top Stuffing. Yes, really.

10) I am thankful for Facebook, it gives me the laugh I need sometimes viewing how stupid some people really are.

11) I am thankful for my kids who are just as weird as I am. When the oldest screams from the other room "Mom, if I lean back and stick my arms out, will my boobs grow!?" I know I am doing something right. haha

12) I am thankful for Xanax

13) I am thankful for orgasms, shit wait. Im not getting any of those.

14) I am thankful for blogger. It's nice to know there are mothers out there that are just as deranged as I am, thanks ladies.

15) I am thankful for sleep. Yeah, I think I am delusional

16) I am thankful for unicorns, they keep me sane in this insane world.

17) I am thankful for being able to take a shit in peace. Yeah well, I told you I was obviously delusional cuz the only way I am taking a shit in peace in this house is at 3am.

18) I am thankful for Janis Joplin. Really wish the crazy white girl was still around, she would be a damn millionaire by now!

19) I am thankful for my vagina. Because well, even after 3 kids its fuckin awesome. And penis's are just ugly.

20) I am thankful for the capslock key, well because sarcasm still doesn't have it's own font..WTF?

21) I am thankful for my candles. I have way to many of them and it fulfills my desire for FIRE... its a win/win situation

22) I am thankful for nicotine. Because I would definitely be choking bitches without it everyday.

23)  Did I mention Xanax? Yes, I think I did. I am very thankful for it.

24) I am thankful for my 3 wonderful children. Without them, I wouldn't be talking to an adult and feel the need to say "I have to go pee pee" ...true story.

25) I am thankful for football. Legitimate excuse to yell at the Television like a retard and no one will question you. Score!

26) I am thankful for Peter Pan, because now as an adult I completely understand why he never wanted to grow up.

27) I am thankful for bleach, yes bleach. Without bleach, well let's just say I wasn't sure how else to get the fresh poo poo out of the bath tub this morning. Two cheers for potty training! WOO HOO!

28) I am thankful for my niece. Without her, I would have never learned to speak a foreign language. Aunt Jetka wuvs you!

29) I am thankful for smell good carpet powder. Thanks for being there when I am just to damn lazy to vaccum!

and last but not least..

30) I am thankful for my meds. I would probably be in prison without them!


... That's all she wrote

7 comments:

  1. You are humorous!!! Put a smile on my face, which is really hard to do right now...be thankful...I LOVE Ya!! <3

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  2. Thank God for coffee, drugs and heavy sarcasm.

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  3. Hey wait!! Are you thankful for Xanax? Okay-- just checking. HA HA!!

    Cheers, Jenn

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  4. I totally understand the stalker thing and being too lazy to comment, but I am breaking that trend because this post is just to funny NOT to comment. Great list! You really should work on that orgasm thing though-it changes your whole outlook on life, haha!

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  5. LOL, this was amusing, sarcastic, and had the thread of truth ringing throughout. You know, I think I like you just that much more after reading this!! You are pretty awesome.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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  6. Hilarious! Thank you for an enjoyable read. I'm afraid I feel the same about the daily "thankful" posts. I think on December first I will post that I'm thankful that the 30 days of thankfulness is over for another year. LOL

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  7. I love your blog, thank you for sharing, so funny!! I had a deed to make a gratitude list and ever since I now have a gratitude journal which I write in every single night. We never realize how much we have to be grateful for.

    I look forward to future entries! Check out my blog at www.gracefullybroken1.blogspot.com. Xx :)

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