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Monday, October 22, 2012

Putting Myself On The Back Burner

This is something I have always done. I think it is something that just comes natural when you are a mother, at least for me it is true. My needs/wants are always put on the back burner and not just for my children, but my man and my family as well. I will put their needs and wants over mine anyday. For example:

I have a genetic blood disorder known as "Atransferrinemia" which in English just means that my body is getting the iron that it needs, but it isn't circulating through my blood like it is supposed to. It us curable. It just means I have to take pills and vitamins and get injections. But I am sick. That along with my back/neck problems and everything else, my body is exhausted on a daily basis. My body is more worn out then my mind is. But what do I do? I adjust. I have 3 children that I pretty much raise on my own. I mean, I have my man and he does help, but we aren't married and even if we were I wouldn't expect him to "raise" my children. But anyways,  I raise 3 kids on my own. All of them are 5 years apart. That alone is exhausting. I have one going through puberty, one that strongly believes every girl on this Earth has "cooties" and my youngest has reached her terrible two's and strongly believes that her brother's bunk bed is her trampoline and my cabinets are her jungle gym. My children exhaust me most days. On average I get about 4 hours of sleep a night if I am lucky. Mostly because I have so much stress in my life, but that accompanied with my children and depression, I just don't sleep. I have stress just like every other person in this world. But with all of it combined, you will RARELY hear me complain about any of it. I deal with it, I adjust, I conform. I am on the backburner and I always will be, especially when it comes to my children.

I conform to it all, because that is just how my life is. I used to always be a people pleaser, but now that I have gotten a bit older and my children are starting to get older, I am starting to change the way I think about life and everything else. I am not and I will not conform to anyone's expectations anymore.

I am almost 27 years old. It is time for me to be true to myself and this will be a learning curve to the new me.. So watch out.. Here I come!!


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1 comment:

  1. I have said it before, my hat is off to you for being a single mom with very little support. My mom was a single mom of two of us--and at least her Mom and her sister helped her out during the summers. Grandma even had us for about 3 years to help out my Mom. So just know one day when your kids are older--it will ALL be worth it.

    It is okay to put yourself first when you need "me" time. I know that has to be incredibly hard in your situation. Even if it is just a "calgon" moment when the kids are finally asleep.

    Cheers, Jenn


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