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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Make A Wish

Today's Prompt: Make A Wish ~ What Talent Would You Wish For?

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This happens to be a bit of a challenge for me. Because I think if I could make a wish, it wouldn't be for any sort of talent, at least not in my conscious state anyways. But I think if I really could make a wish and wish for talent it would be to be less of a loner.

When I was younger, I was this free spirited young girl who wanted to do everything, and I was that teenage girl who spent hours on the phone with her boyfriend and hours on the phone with her girlfriends rambling about any and everything and constantly going out and doing things and being around people.

But life happened, and life happened fast for me. Got knocked up when I was 15 and became a mommy at the wee young age of 16. And she is my pride and joy (along with my other 2!) but having my daughter completely changed me, and not for the better in all aspects. I went from being this extrovert who was always doing things to a full time mommy, full time student, and part time worker. I was exhausted. So when I wasn't taking care of my daughter (single I might add) I was going to school or working. I never had time for anyone or anything and slowly but surely I drifted away from everyone. I had lost most of my friends in the first place because I was that "bad influence" that no one really wanted to be around, but I just drifted because my daughter was my entire world and my teenage years went out the window, overnight.

So as the years went on and I focused SOLELY on my daughter, I lost myself in the process. I became that person who got up with her child morning, noon and night. I was that person who never left the house unless it was to the grocery store, doctor appointment or work. Yeah I was the mommy who devoted everything to her child(ren) and I don't regret a day of it and I still don't.

But.. I am the biggest loner I have ever met in my life Lol. I am the person who would rather sit at home and watch tv by herself. I am a person who doesn't like people. I don't like people because frankly, the world is full of idiots. And if you are acting an idiot I am just the kind of person who would tell you straight to your face that you are acting a fool.

Life has happened and in the process I have lost myself and even to this day at almost 27 years old I am still trying to find myself. But I haven't been out in years. I haven't even gone on a date. I don't do lunch dates, or shopping and I most certainly don't "hang out" with anyone because after awhile, even my closest friends start to get on my nerves because that is just how much I really don't like people.

And don't get me wrong, even I know this is not normal, and as I have stated before I am in therapy for my weird ways LOL But why am I this way? Because I want to be. I choose not to be around people and I choose not to socialize and I don't get along with very many people in real life and I'm still uncertain as to why. But this is just how I am.

So if I could make a wish, and wish for any talent in the world, it would be to be less of a loner. I would love to be able to get along with people and socialize and have a "Mom's Night Out" or a "Girls Night Out" or even just a date.  For awhile I wondered if it wasn't just depression (part of it is..) but I am on medication/therapy for certain things and I still make the conscious choice to not be around people. I would rather sit on this laptop blogging away all by myself then to have a BBQ with my neighbors or have coffee with a friend.

Is that a strange wish? Lol..Until tomorrow my friends!!

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6 comments:

  1. I have an opinion on loners...remember this is only my observation, nothing concrete here.

    I think people who prefer to be alone in this world are one of two things:
    1) So self absorbed they have no time to BE a friend so they shun others. They (others) will want something from me and I don't have anything I want to give them.

    or

    2) So insecure that they will never believe anyone would want to be with them. Not believing they are worth befriending allows them to just enjoy being with their own thoughts and choices.

    Just food for thought.

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    Replies
    1. For me it's 2, well kind of. I don't have an insecurity issues about anyone wanting to be with/around me. But it is true I would much rather be with my own thoughts and choices, that part is true.

      I have close friends, but that is it. And just a handful of them. I just choose not to branch out and make "others" if that makes sense.

      That is some food for thought though, for sure! Thanks for stopping by Jo!

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  2. I don't really think there is anything wrong with being a loner, probably because I am one myself. LOL I personally think you and I are just about fine the way we are and don't believe we need to be analyzed by anyone as if something is lacking. Some folks only feel secure if they are surrounded by a crowd who knows their business. Personally I would rather stay to my own devices. Celebrate you individuality.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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  3. I would not say there is anything wrong with being a loner--unless you are unhappy with it--then of course you need to change. But if you are happy with being a loner--and you are comfortable that way--then I don't see anything wrong with it. However--as your kids get older--you may see that part of you wants to change--because as we Mom's have all heard--they eventually leave the nest. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) Alas--I've seen it happen to other moms and as unfair as this may seem--it apparently is a real phenomena. So--maybe for now it works--but I think whenever you are ready to change--if you are ever ready--it won't be such a bad thing. And maybe by then you'll have endured those lovely teenage years with your kids and it won't seem so bad at that point??? Only a guess. :)

    You can always hang with us blogger types :)

    Cheers, Jenn.

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  4. In my humble opinion, you are not quite a loner. You have your daughter and blogging. I like to socialize with people but once I am home, I don't much time left for others. I wonder if I don't work , I would probably end up staying home most of the time :-)

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  5. You know, I just had this conversation the other day with a co-worker. So for you I will say: There is no possible way that you're the biggest loner. I have you beat by miles and miles. I had very few friends growing up do to over protective parents and living far out in the country. The ones that I had are long gone. I gained some very dear friends in college who are still my friends, but I don't see them much and I rarely talk to them these days. They all have busy lives and we live far apart.

    I've made a few friends working at various jobs, but again save for a few, once I left the company, it was out of sight, out of mind. I have no girlfriends I can call up and hang out with. There is a woman at work who I have gone to a couple of plays with, but it's not like we hang out all the time. I have one person, like you, that I go home to; but it's my husband. I love him dearly, but sometimes it is not enough.

    You, on the other hand, have something that I will never have. A daughter. Cherish her with all your might! You don't know how lucky you are.

    I have gained quite a number of "online" friends through my writing. They are precious to me. You may feel like you're a loner, but you're never really alone.

    I actually like being by myself because I spend the better part of my day talking with people and while I love it, when I go home at night, sometimes I just want to be alone.


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