Writing about Love is a very sensitive topic for me. Because in general, I am not an "emotional" person or one of those people who goes around hugging people and telling them I love them. The only people I have ever in my life said "I love you" to have been my kids, and my niece and nephews. I'm not quite sure why I am the way I am but ya know, thats just the way I am. So here I am getting it out in the open for the entire world to know. Because I just don't care what anyone thinks.
I have never really had luck when it has come to love. Apparently I have this sign on my forehead that says "I Like Assholes" that the whole world can see. Lol So it's always been assholes I have been with, assholes and deadbeats. But not this time around.
The man that I am with now, I can't even put into words how I feel about him. Just talking about him gives me butterflies and it makes me feel in way I have never felt before. When I am with him, nothing else in the world matters. All of my troubles and worries just seem to fly right out the window when I am with him, nothing else matters. He's not only my man, but he is my best friend. I talk to him about everything and he is always then when I need him. Even when he was 800+ miles away. I could call him at 4am and he would pick up the phone, just for me. And no one in this world has ever been that way to me. He is very good to me. The best man I have ever been with. He is so great with my children too. I couldn't ask for a better man, I really couldn't.
He has been here for me through the thick and thin, the good times and now when it's bad. Not very many men are like that (well, not the ones I come across I mean..) Usually when times are tough, they go running for the hills, but not this guy. Even when I have screwed his world up royally he is still here. And I love him even more for it.
I can't breathe without him. I literally feel like I am suffocating without him. It sounds cheesy I know. But the distance is killing me. I know the distance from each other only makes our love stronger, but I really do hate it. And it is my fault that we aren't under the same roof, for reasons I wont let air. But it is completely my fault and there are definitely certain things I would like to take back, and I can't. But what is done is done and I am doing what I need to do to change things and make them right again.
But this man has my heart, not just a piece of it.. He has my entire heart and he doesn't even know it. I would do anything and everything for this man, next to my children he is my world. I wake up every morning and just thinking of him, makes me strive to be a better woman. I just feel like I can be a better person, and we are so great when we are together, we are a team. And that is something that is new territory for me, because I am not much of a "team player" as I am someone who is good at doing things on my own.
Most days, he is the only person who keeps me sane. Just a simple good morning text is all that I need to brighten my entire day, and he doesn't even realize it. No one knows how I feel about him. I dont even think he grasps the extent of how much I love him. Most of my family don't understand why, or how. They are always telling me "How can you love him, if you aren't around him!?" I always tell them, I dont need to be around him to show him love or to feel his love for me, and it is true I don't.
I dont know what our future holds, or even where we will be 6 months from now. But all I do know is that I do believe that loving someone and being loved by someone is one of the greatest feelings in the world. And that love really does conquer all. It took me a very long time to believe that. And I never really did until I met him. And now I plan on making sure I spend the rest of my life showing him the love I have for him and the love he deserves. Because he is a great man and he does deserve to be happy, and I will make sure that we both get right where we wanna be, at any cost. Because I dont care what anyone has to say or what anyone thinks. If they don't like it, screw em. This love is ours and we dont need to share!