If that isn't one lesson in life I learned at a young age! Shit just happens! And it happens to good, unsuspecting people in the worst ways possible. For example... I am getting ready to have surgery, did I ask for to have surgery? HELL NO! But it just happens because my body is slowly but surely falling apart on me. Im getting ready to lose everything around me! My house, lights, gas etc.. And there is only so much I can do about it! Shit just happens. But if there is one thing I have learned already this week, is that shit does happen... But the best thing you can do is flush the damn toilet and move on. Here I go again..
So I applied for such and such to get my foot in the door on things before my surgery, trying to get the help I need. Im not one to even want anything at ALL to do with the state, but I am doing what I have to do for my kids. There is no way around it. Their father's couldn't give a damn about them so it is left to me to be the best mother I can be to my 3 children. Even as much as I am falling apart. So I am trying my damndest to get it all done before the 23rd because once the 23rd gets here, I will be a sitting duck, literally. I won't be able to do anything at all for Lord only knows how long it will take my fallen apart body to heal. I am doing what I can.
Meanwhile, I am relying on other sources, the big ones. My family. If I didn't have them around me right now I probably would have fallen apart years ago. We all have our ups and downs.. but what is family if you can't rely on them when you need them? For the next 6 months I will solely be relying on them and only them to help me. I will barely be able to move and I have 3 kids to raise! It's going to be the hardest road I will have to travel on and it scares me to death. I don't know if I could do this surgery if I didn't have my family there with me. The man in my life? Well, let's just say that he may be the love of my life, but Im not the love of his, but again I will blog about that later..
My friends, whom I am learning who my REAL ones are will be there for me. My friends are my family and always have been and always will be. They all hold a special place in my heart and always will. Some I have known for years, some I have only known for a little while and some I have NEVER met in person, but I still know who is real and who isn't. Who is here for me and who isn't. When you get older, you really do find out who your friends are. Here all this time I thought it was just an expression, but it's the complete truth.
I have my Babymama as well. We aren't in contact with each other as much as we used to be, but we are still apart of each other's lives and we "share" children together so we always will be! And I know she feels the same way. The only thing that is keeping us "apart" right now is distance. Distance is our only road block, well that and my broken phone lol but we won't go there. But I love her and always will. We have our own little strange relationship and I know she will be here to see me through it all.
I am hopeful and fearful of it all, but I know that whatever is meant to be, is just plain meant to be. I don't like most of what's going on in my life but I do know that the only person who can change any of it is me. That is a very hard lesson for me in life right now because I don't like change at all. It makes me feel...well I guess the best word for it, is unstable and unsettled. I don't like change whatsoever and Im not even sure why, I just don't. I've tried very, very hard to keep things stable for the sake of my children. But sometimes change just has to happen. Change has to happen in order for things to get better, at least for me anyways at this point in my life. And I am going to end with this to head over for another blog, because the inspiration is just flowing and I just can't stop! LOL!
...Until we meet again