I have gotten so behind on blogs, I am wrapping 2 blogs into 1 so bare with me and hold on for the ride ;)
Things in my life have drastically been changing, and at a very rapid pace. They have been changing so quickly my head is still spinning. And here is what's up..
I am getting ready to get an eviction notice.. Not because I haven't paid rent or anything like that, but simply because my landlord who also happens to be my uncle is a dick (yes I said it..) and didn't get his rent right when he wanted it last month. So he is giving me the boot. I am about to be homeless.. Second, every single source of income I had is now officially gone. My cable and internet is off already. Luckily I have really awesome neighbors (also family, by marriage..) who have opened up their router to me to let me use their connection to connect to the internet otherwise I wouldn't be writing this blog. As of tomorrow the only telephone I have will be off so I won't have that either. I am hoping that at least won't last long because it's not good to not have a telephone with 3 kids. I can just see the worst of the worst happening, Im a pessimist, what can I say? Lol Anyways..
To top all of that off, I am also getting ready to have surgery (already wrote that blog) and that will leave me down for 6 months at least, as long as there aren't any complications. Well besides physical therapy. I will solely be relying on everyone around me for everything and even have to enlist in help with my children which is going to be very hard for me because I don't like anyone but me taking care of my kids or having a say in things, I am just stubborn that way I guess.
It seems like the more things change in my life, the worst they get. They just keep getting worse and I have done everything in my power to do what I can as an adult and a mother to do what I need to in order to take care of my children, EXCEPT get help from the state.
This brings me to the worst of my sins.....PRIDE...
Do you know how hard it is to swallow your pride? Pride is something I have always had. I have NEVER been someone to ask for help. I have never been the person to go next door and borrow a cup of sugar, I just refuse it. I mean. I made these kids, its my job to take care of them. I shouldn't need to enlist in anyone's help to raise them etc.. But I have.
I swallowed everything and have dropped to the lowest point possible and enlisted in the help of the state. I have filed for disability, because here in the next 3 weeks I will technically be disabled the rest of my life. It will be one surgery after another and I will never be able to hold down a job. I have also filed for general assistance (help with my bills etc..) and here it is called "Section 8" Im not sure what it is called anywhere else, but basically it is finding a house, and the state helping me pay for it, based on my income. Which is nothing right now. I feel like a horrible person, a terrible mother and I feel awful. The change I have had to make in myself, my pride, my everything. It is not something I am happy about, but that is a completely different blog.
I have officially reached the lowest of the low but I still have not lost hope. I still have the belief that everything happens for a reason and that everything will work out the way it's supposed too. I know I will NOT be homeless and I am now doing everything humanly possible to take care of my family and I will continue to...