Patience is nothing something I have ever had. I am not sure why, but even as a child I remember not having any kind of patience for anything. Patience is not one of my stronger suits.
As I have already made plain as day, when it comes to men. I make the most horrible decisions ever. I date the wrong men, hell I even married the wrong man. But it doesn't matter how horrible of a decision I have made, or how many times I have had my heartbroken. I have always kept my heart open for love.
But love just isn't at the top of my list anymore, not like it used to be. I don't think I have the patience for it anymore, or maybe I just don't want too? Who knows. I just know I don't want that to be at the top of any list anymore.
See, my kids and my family needs always come first. But sometimes I wonder, when do I come first? And of course my needs will always come in dead last, especially when it comes to my children. That will never change. But I wonder, maybe just maybe I can squeeze in my needs somewhere along the line? But I think my patience has worn thin.
See, it isn't that I want love, or a "man" and definitely not any sort of long term relationship or even marriage. All I want is a male role model for my children to look up too. Not necessarily a "father" for them, well hopefully one day, but just a male they can look up to for things, or call if they need something or whatever the case maybe! Is that too much to ask?
I always used to think I was making the right decisions, but I think it was about my patience. I would just give up and settle for whatever was in front of me, because I really don't have the patience for the whole getting to know someone thing and then the whole dating thing and yadda yadda you all know how it works. Screw it, I am done with going down that path!
But am I really? Or has my patience just ran thin?