I realized today that I hadn't blogged in awhile, not since the 17th. That seems to be the longest I have gone without blogging in awhile. And honestly, I am not even sure why. I just don't have the inspiration these days and here is why.
My life has been hella crazy lately. And by crazy I really mean crazy. I was crazy sick, and my kids got sick and the weather. I don't know if anyone keeps up with the news but recently the town of Thurman, IA was hit with an F2 tornado wiping out nearly 75% of the town, and I have a lot of family and friends that live in that town. Thankfully, no one was injured but that doesn't mean I still don't get to worry about them. They are family and friends and I am just concerned.
My medical issues have recently gotten worse. I went in to see my spine doctor because my back issues seem to get worse with the frequently changing weather. He has suggested that I need to have a surgery. I go to see a surgeon this Friday, the 27th. And that has my mind very busy lately. I am a single mother of 3 with little to no help from anyone raising them. If I have surgery, I wouldn't be able to move for at least a little while and that really bothers me. I am trying to stay positive because I don't see the doctor until Friday and I am hoping that we can figure something out so that I don't have to even have surgery, but that seems to be my only option.
I also have my rapidly declining money problem. I have bills out my ass and no way to pay them, that has me very stressed out. My doctor has advised me that it isn't best if I work, but I also receive no help from the state or child support of any kind so I have no choice but to try and work. But there is not much out there for someone whose job history consists of being a mother. It's very hard right now and it really has me depressed. And most days I don't even want to get out of bed. But I do, for my children.
I have an appointment to see my primary doctor tomorrow for my depression because no much seems to be helping, but at least I am seeking help for it I guess. One step at a time?
Things are crazy hectic around here and by the end of the night when I actually have time to blog, my brain and body is just plain exhausted. I know I don't have many readers in the first place, but I figured I would at least right a little update for those that do read.
My kids are doing very well. My oldest is nursing an ear infection right now, but excelling in school, on honor roll and recently discovering her body is changing so she is very hormonal Lol But otherwise well. My son is also on honor roll even being in Pre-K he is doing so well. I couldn't have asked for better kids. They keep me going, they keep me alive. My youngest daughter is 18 months old now and doing so great. Talking up a storm and being naughty, like she is supposed too Lol..
My kids are the only thing that keep me going anymore. When my youngest or even my oldest look up at me and say "It's ok mom, I love you" I know that even as screwed up and damaged as I feel, I am still doing my job right raising my kids. I am being the best parent and person I can be for them, regardless of my struggles.
So for the most part things are hectic and crazy, but not really at the same time. I have just lost inspiration and I am having troubles finding it again. I know it will happen when I least expect it, so I am just holding on tight and trying my hardest to enjoy this ride called life.
One minute at a time....