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Tuesday, April 3, 2012

The Bittersweet End

So if you read one of my previous blogs, "A New beginning, or a bittersweet end?" Then you already know what Im going to talk about.

After spending days upon days of thinking about my father and what I wanted to do about the whole situation, I finally came to a conclusion...

I finally called him to tell him exactly what I thought about him choosing his wife over me and if there would be any sort of future for us. And of course, his grandkids.

But when I called him, he didn't answer. I left a brief but descriptive enough voicemail for him to call me back, because I wanted to speak to him. And I know he doesn't ever check his voicemail, so I also sent him a text. And it has now been 3 days and I still have not heard from him. But to make things even better, I ran into him at the gas station today, and he walked by me as if I didn't even exist to him.

So at least now I know where I stand in his eyes. I know that I do not exist to him, therefore he also doesn't exist to his grandkids either and I am not sure how well they are going to take that. My two older kids will understand that grandpa isn't around, but my youngest will never know him, and that is sad since she is named after him.

But I guess things happen for a reason. If he is the kind of person who will choose his wife over his own blood, then I don't want my children around him. I don't want my children to EVER think it is okay to choose a spouse over your own children or flesh and blood.  Family always comes first, and since he just isn't wired that way, I do not want my children around someone like that.

But for me, I just can't seem to let go of the entire situation. I feel like apart of me wants to hold on if even a little bit. I mean after all he is my father. I can't change that and I wouldn't want too. But I just don't get it at all. I don't think I will ever understand how father's just abandon their children like he did me. And it's not like I am a child and I don't know any better, I am 26 years old!

I feel disappointed, heartbroken, curious, and just plain defeated when it comes to him. Just the thought of never seeing him again or never hearing from him again just breaks my heart.

God only knows, he is probably douchebag of the year, but he is still my father. And I just don't know what to do anymore.

1 comment:

  1. Oh wow-- this is so sad. First you hear a rumor that he misses you--but his actions sure don't seem to be reflecting that. I'm so sorry to hear this...and it is sure hard to get anywhere with anyone when one side won't communicate. I find it sad because life is too short to play games--he should be man enough to tell you face to face that he's in or he's out and why. I don't know what to say--other than you know what is best for you and your children. (((hugs))) Jenn

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