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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

My Eyes Adored You

When I met the man that I consider my true love in life, I believe it or not, met him on the internet. I was doing a lot of blogging back in the day on Myspace, so any free time I had spent, it was on Myspace talking to him and blogging.

See, on Myspace I had random guys ALL the time sending me messages wanting to talk. But something about this guy, really had me interested. He sent me a message and said "You are beautiful." I was constantly getting messages that would say. "Hey Sexy" Or "You Wanna F*ck!?" And I would just ignore him. But he told me I was beautful.

I was leery at first of talking or trying to "hook up" on the internet. I mean after all, you can't find love on the internet, can you? I didn't believe it. But I kept my mind open to anything, because at that point in my life, I had absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. So I rolled with it.

Talking to him on the internet, telephone, etc.. And then the question came up, and I knew it would happen eventually, I just denied it really.. You know what question, "Can we meet?"

I was scared to meet anyone off the internet. I even told him I was scared. Because you just never know what kind of weirdo, creeps you will find on the internet, ya know? I wasn't trying to find a stalker, or someone sort of psycho serial killer LOL

But after avoiding it long enough, I finally gave in. Because after all the conversations and really long talks, that didn't involve sex whatsoever I can admit I was interested in a guy on the internet. But I didn't do it alone, I took my sister and her then boyfriend with me and we kept things public. We went downtown. Lots and Lots of people down there. LOL And it was a little less awkward, and I knew he wasn't a serial killer because he brought his son. I felt relieved LOL

Everything went well, and we spent a lot of time talking, and being around each other. He took me out on a few dates, which was *new* for me because I had never actually been out on a date before, not a real one. And things started getting serious.

He moved in with me, just a short time after that. Because I can admit, it didn't take me long before I fell in love with this man. I absolutely adored him. While we were together, we never argued, never fought. I never had to repeatedly tell him that to put the toilet seat down LOL This man even cooked for me! I have yet to ever find a man that will cook for me, except him.

Then a lot of love and time later, we had decided that we would get married. I was sooo excited about it. I loved this man, and in my heart of hearts I knew (know) I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I just knew it. But I also knew what my family would think. Because it wasn't but a few months of us being together that I knew I wanted to marry him. They would tell me I was too young, or moving to fast or something along those lines. But I didn't care. I loved him, and I wanted this more then anything in the world.

Even to this day, he doesn't even know that I had our entire wedding planned out. I had my  dress picked out, the colors, the place, I even knew exactly what I wanted the invitations to look like and what I wanted him to wear. I even had our first song picked out.

But a lot of things happened to both of us. I was drinking to much, he was drinking to much. I had a lot going on in court with my son. He had his own personal issues and against my own wishes, we went our separate ways. But not a day in my life have I ever stopped thinking about him or his children.

I moved on, and so did he. I ended up marrying the second biggest douche on the planet, and screwing up my life. And he moved from Nebraska to Alabama. And we have been apart since then.

I love this man with every fiber of my being, I can't even put the love I have for him into words. I adored him, and if I wouldn't have gotten my tubes tied, I would have tons of his babies Lol..

There have been quite a few times, that if it weren't for him. I don't know where I would be today. I keep no secrets from him. He is the love of my life, he is my best friend and I think he always will be. I talk and even text him almost daily. Because I don't know what I would do without him in my life.

I just hope, that one day we have that chance again. To be able to spend the rest of my life with him would be the greatest gift (besides my children..) that I would ever have.

I adored him, and I still do. He's got my heart! Always has and he always will...


  1. That explains so much about you. A love you cannot have and cannot let go of. Lucky for you, though, he is still in your life albeit not the way you would like.
    What a beautiful story and I will hope for the happy ending you are looking to find.

    1. I am hoping for it too. He has asked me to relocate to him. And every part of me wants to scream "Yes, let's do it!" But because of things I have going on here, and my children in school etc.. I just can't.

      So I am trying to get him to come to me LOL I am praying he does, but I really do understand if he doesnt. I hate it, I tell him I hate it almost everyday. But I do the best I can

  2. Everything will work out for the best. If he truly loves you and you him, I know it will work out! <3

  3. Ahhh what a lovely yet sad story - are you both very much in contact with one another? I hope you get a second chance at happiness together! xx

    1. Oh yes Scarlett. We talk with each other all day long, every single day! I don't know what I would do if I didn't get to talk to him, I'd go crazy Lol I hope we get our second chance too ♥

  4. I almost wanted to cry-- this was in so many ways real, honest, and I could feel your heart strings strumming for him. Wow!! I hope--there is a a happy ending for both of you-- together!!

    Cheers, Jenn


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