So I have this list in my head of all these things I want to accomplish in life. But I have realized that about 85% of what I want to do is just not logical. So I have cut my list down to things that I know without a doubt I can accomplish. Some may only take awhile, and the rest a lifetime. Only time will tell :)
1) I would like to one day, be able to tell someone that I love myself.
I have struggled with this for as long as I can remember. I do not love myself. I don't love anything about myself, my looks, my body, my personality. Absolutely nothing. And it has sometimes left me wondering how I love anyone else, if I can't love myself?
2) I'd like to better manage my pain.
This is something I will have to work with my doctors about. But as of today, I have good days and bad days. Mostly bad days. But I want to be able to go outside and throw a ball around with my children without feeling like I need to sit down because my body is just toooo tired to stand up and do it.
3) One day, I'd like to fall in love again.
I think one of the greatest feelings in the world, is loving someone and being loved the same in return. I've never made the right kind of choices in men. But I am hoping one day it will happen for me again. I just don't feel complete without love in my life..(besides my children of course.)
4) I would love to lose weight
My doctor put me on a steroid medication not long ago that made me gain almost 40 pounds. When I put on the weight, I struggled more with my back. So I'm not capable of doing much but with the weather turning nicer I am very capable of walking, so I have walked almost 5 miles in the last 3 days. Overworking it a little I know, but I will get back to a descent weight that will not kill the rest of my body.
5) I will better teach my children the life lessons they need to know.
I need to teach my daughters the things they will need to know as a woman, but also the things they will need to take care of if they don't have a man around. By that I mean, changing a tire if she has a flat, or showing her how to change the oil in a car. It's nice to have a man around, but as a female she will need to learn these things. I will also teach my son to be sensitive to others, not to make him a "sissy" but to teach him to have manners, and show respect for women, and also how to be a "man" around the house for the long awaited day that he is on his own and will need to take care of himself.
So those are my top 5 things I want to work on. Like I said, some may only take a short time and the rest may take awhile. But I have nothing but time on my hands, so one day at a time :)