When I look in the mirror, I don't see what everyone else tells me they see.
I always hear from people, "You should smile more, you have a beautiful smile!" and I always respond with, "I don't have anything to smile about."
Which for the most part is true. See I haven't blogged recently because I have been just plain tired. Not just physically but emotionally as well. I mean, who
wouldn't be after awhile? I am a single mother of 3 kids all of which are 5 years apart. They keep me busy enough. But to add everyday life, and worries? Not to mention the grocery store, appointments, school functions, etc!? I get very tired.
But I am sooo very sad right now. I am sad, because I have reached this point right now in my life, where I just feel defeated. So I sat for a few days just watching the rain, trying to figure out what the hell to do with everything that I have going on. And for the life of me, I couldn't come up with anything. At that very moment I had given up.
So with some advice from a fellow blogger. I decided that I would try and work on the things that I could control, versus what I can't. So I started to clean. But I stopped almost instantly, because I thought, "Whats the point, I won't be here much longer anyways!?"
So I just threw in the towel, and I started drinking and feeling sorry for myself and not knowing what was going to happen and I just let go. Which is something that takes a lot for me to do, because I am the type of person, to where it doesn't matter how big or small, I always fight. But not that day. I just threw in the towel. Gave up on everything completely. I just didn't care anymore about anything.
The next morning, I woke up and went in my bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked at myself and thought, "What the hell is wrong with you? You know that this will get you nowhere and you may have felt great drinking, but you know damn well it won't solve ONE problem."
And I finally decided that part of me is going to let it go. I am going to let go of the fact that it isn't anything that I can control. I have to let things just happen. If it's for the better, then great. But if it ends up falling apart, maybe it was just supposed to happen this way and I am just supposed to be somewhere else. Which really scares me, because I just can't see myself anywhere but here.
So I have decided that every morning I am going to wake up and look at myself in the mirror and tell myself to let it go. To not let it stress me out so bad that I can't stand being in my own skin, I just need to let it go and let things happen they way they are supposed to.
When I look in the mirror, I don't see beauty. But I will get there..
Whatcha think, sound like a good plan to you guys too?